


Every Version of You

by agoodpersonrose



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Competition, David Rose Loves Patrick Brewer, Drunk Patrick Brewer, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, Established Relationship, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Patrick Brewer loves David Rose, Post-Episode: s04e12 Singles Week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27672934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agoodpersonrose/pseuds/agoodpersonrose
Summary: When there is nothing in David’s expression that suggests second thoughts, Patrick shrugs and downs the next shot.A journey through the 10 different types of drunk Patrick personalities all in one night.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer & Ray Butani, Patrick Brewer & Ronnie, Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 85
Kudos: 190





	1. Sober Patrick

It seems that the whole town of Schitt’s Creek has turned up at the Wobbly Elm this Saturday night.

Twyla and Alexis dance in the centre of the floor, attracting the attention of all the eligible guys (and most of the girls) as they twirl around together. In the corner, Ronnie, Bob, and Roland sit drinking after a long day of council related business.

Patrick and David had finally accepted Stevie’s invitation on a night out with the intention of letting loose for the first time since the opening of Rose Apothecary. Patrick is looking forward to a night spent with his boyfriend and their friends, while David is looking forward to finally seeing Patrick drunk; immediately offering to be the designated driver to ensure nothing stands in the way of what Patrick has referred to as his ‘many mood swings.’

Dressed in his favourite leather jacket, David and Stevie immediately scope up seats at the bar and order the first round of drinks. Patrick downs his shot, and David follows the line of his throat for a moment, luxuriating in the sight of his buttoned-up boyfriend finally giving in and having fun.

“Are you sure you don’t want anything to drink? I don’t mind driving,” Patrick asks, catching David’s eye and putting a hand on his knee.

David smiles and shakes his head, reaching down to lace their fingers together. “I’ve got you tonight, trust me,” he says, with a surprisingly honest tone. He leans over and kisses Patrick quick as Stevie returns with more drinks.

Patrick hesitates a moment more, giving David his last chance to drop out. When there is nothing in David’s expression that suggests second thoughts, Patrick shrugs and downs the next shot.

“Yes, Patrick, let’s have some _fun!”_ Stevie croons, as Patrick just chuckles and blushes.


	2. Talkative Patrick

“Ronnie! Hi, Ronnie!”

David leans his shoulder against Stevie’s as he watches his boyfriend run into the lion’s den. Three drinks in, and Patrick has apparently decided he wants to be the centre of the party as he topples down clumsily from his bar stool and rushes across the room.

The bar is too far away from the table to make out their conversation, but David is thoroughly enjoying the look of disgust on Ronnie’s features as Patrick chatters on about something.

Soon enough, she stands and heads towards the bar for another drink.

“David,” she says, politely. They’ve always had a begrudging agreement of mutual respect which David is proud of, and he nods back as she orders another round of drinks. “Your boyfriend is in a good mood.”

“It’s his night off,” David explains. “Thought it was my turn to take the designated driver role.”

“More fool you. Brewer is soft over you; he’d probably let you get away with it for the next twenty years and then bring it up in the middle of a fight long after you’re married,” she replies with a look of disgust.

David chooses to ignore the implication of marriage that Ronnie was so blasé with, and gestures over to where Patrick is laughing hysterically at something Bob has said, _Bob._

“I could do that, but then I wouldn’t get the pleasure of watching this happen.”

Ronnie follows his gaze to where Patrick seems to have amassed a crowd. He’s chatting away blithely, waving his hands around and shaking hands. He even hugs Bob before he suddenly seems to realise something and starts looking around anxiously.

Patrick’s eyes finally meet David’s from across the room and he rushes over.

“David! There you are. Oh, I see you’ve met Ronnie, I was going to introduce you!”

Ronnie raises an eyebrow and crosses her arms against her chest, but David can tell that she is faintly amused by his eagerness.

“Um, yes, believe it or not, in the two and a half years I’ve been living here, I have met Ronnie.”

“Isn’t she great, David. Did you know she is a contractor? She contracts things. And Bob over there, he’s been working so hard on his Bagel Company… Or maybe it was his garage he was talking about…” Patrick seems to zone out for a minute before snapping back to life. “Honestly, it could have been a sex shop what with the way he was talking about riding, and lube, and wheels.”

David chokes on his soda and turns away slightly to cough into his hand.

“And you know, Roland’s been really struggling, what with balancing Roland Jr, and the fact that he’s Mayor. Did you know he’s the _Mayor,_ David? Can you imagine being the Mayor?”

David opens his mouth to respond but it seems Patrick is enjoying imagining it a little too much as his eyes track David’s body slowly.

“We’d have to get you a cane,” he says decisively after a moment.

“A cane--”

“And one of those fluffy neck things, but not a wig because you don’t like things on your head.”

“Wow, you really are chatty today, aren’t you?” David says, catching Patrick’s arms and holding him steady.

“I’m having fun, David. Are you having fun?”

“I--”

“Ooh, do you know what would be more fun?” Patrick asks, suddenly his attention swinging away towards something else. “Pool! We should play pool, David!”

“I don’t think--”

“I’ll give you a game,” Ronnie intervenes before David can reply, and he looks at her with a surprised expression. “What? The alternative is going back over there and sitting with Bob and Roland, both of whom seem to have brought the vibe down a bit since talking to your boyfriend.”

David follows her gesture and sees the two men slumped at the table, their heads in their hands, looking truly glum.

“Watch me play, David,” Patrick says, kissing his boyfriend quickly before heading over to one of the tables. Ronnie watches him go with a light chuckle and orders two more drinks for each of them, following Patrick over with the tray and downing the first two as they set up the game.


	3. Competitive Patrick

David winces as he watches Ronnie sink another ball and cockily walk around the table to take her other shot. This is the third ball in a row she’s sunk, and Patrick has reserved to shrinking back to lean against the other pool table with his arms crossed and a small, childish pout on his face.

“Your turn, Brewer, you said you were good, let’s see if you’re better than that.”

Patrick’s demeanour immediately shifts from moody teenager to offended frat boy. He squares his shoulders and heads over to the table. Gone are the early shots; Patrick leaning bodily over the table, his ass sticking out in David’s direction and giving him teasing wiggles all the while.

Patrick is fully focused now. He seems to have zoned out the rest of the bar and is glaring at the blue number two ball as if it has personally offended him in some way.

“You’ve got this, honey,” David calls, only to have that glare refocused on him.

“I’m focusing, David,” Patrick responds blithely, making David roll his eyes in response.

Patrick takes his shot, and the ball ricochets away from the hole, knocking the few remaining balls in scattered direction, and effectively lining up for Ronnie to take her final shot.

“Fuck,” Patrick groans, tensing his arms and screwing up his face. He steps away from the table and turns in a circle in frustration before turning back around to watch Ronnie effortlessly aim and sink her final ball into the net.

“Good game,” she says, though her grin says something else.

“Another,” Patrick replies, averting her eye and already collecting the balls to restack in the centre. “Let’s go again.”

Ronnie shrugs but doesn’t disagree, simply letting him reset the table and stepping forward to start again.

“Seems like things are getting tense over there,” Stevie says, sitting down on the barstool next to David and ordered herself, and Patrick, another drink.

“I would love to say that this is all because of the alcohol but I’m not so sure,” David replies, taking a long sip of his own soft drink through his straw. “I went to a games night at Ray’s the other week, and Patrick wouldn’t talk to me all night because I won Monopoly.”

“You _cheated!”_ Patrick shouts from over at the pool table, David startles before he realises Patrick isn’t talking to him but is instead addressing Ronnie in that tone.

“Oh no,” he murmurs as Ronnie’s amused face turns murderous.

“There is a difference between being talented and cheating, Brewer. Clearly you wouldn’t know.”

“Well clearly _you_ don’t know the rules of this game.”

David’s eyes bulge as he sees Ronnie moving to square up with Patrick, and he shoots from his stool over towards his boyfriend, immediately stepping into his space and blocking his view of Ronnie.

“You okay, honey?”

“She _cheated,_ David,” Patrick whines, his whole face contorted in anger and frustration. He looks to David to play peacekeeper and make things right, but when David turns to look to Ronnie she has already disappeared back to her table, clearly having grown tired of the direction of the conversation.

“What did she do?”

“She knocked my ball out of the way with her ball!”

Patrick slumps when David’s arms wrap around his waist and he drops his head to David’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry, honey, I don’t think that is technically cheating.”

“It is!” Patrick insists, though his snuggled-up position in David’s arms negates the anger in his tone. “It’s against the _rules,_ there are rules for a reason, and she didn’t follow them!”

“Hey, how about we do something else?” David suggests, turning to Stevie for help.

“Look, the dance floor is getting busier, we should go and dance!” Stevie suggests.

“That’s the suggestion you came up with?” David asks with a frustrated growl but sees Patrick’s face lighting up at the prospect. “Okay, let’s go and dance.”

“Hey, David?”

“Mhm.”

“Race you,” and off Patrick runs, dodging out of David’s arms and heading at speed towards the collection of people in the centre of the room.


	4. Dance Machine Patrick

It turns out that despite Patrick’s many _many_ talents, one of the few things he cannot do in any form is dance.

It’s not that he isn’t enthusiastic, in fact, that is the one area he certainly isn’t lacking. Patrick bops and moves with all the energy of a golden retriever. He stops every few beats and holds his position, arms over his head or out to the side in an almost robot formation. His facial expressions as well portray only complete joy and excitement.

It’s completely ridiculous, and also possibly the sweetest thing David has ever seen.

He would probably be embarrassed by the dopey looks he is giving his boyfriend if Patrick himself weren’t drawing all the attention with his awkward grooving.

David sways lightly next to him, enjoying the show too much to put a stop to it, especially when Stevie is dragged in by Patrick’s grip. He swings her under his arm and pulls her back in, almost tugging her shoulder out of the socket in the process.

“I’m out, I can’t keep up,” Stevie says once she’s escaped Patrick’s clutches. She claps David on the shoulder, shouts “Good luck,” over the beat of the music, and heads back in the direction of the bar.

David follows her with his eyes, longing to leave the dance floor but too wary of Patrick disappearing and never being found again. So, he stays with his boyfriend and watches as he bounces and sways manically.

At one point, the flying arms and elbows make impact with a man standing nearby, and David is suddenly extremely relieved that he had deigned to stay with Patrick as his intervention suddenly becomes necessary.

“Tell him to watch where he’s going,” the guy says grumpily.

“Alright, it was an accident,” David says, dismissing him with a wave of the hand and a frown.

“Yes, I’m very sorry that I’m a better dancer than you are,” Patrick shouts. Apparently competitive Patrick hasn’t quite gone back into his box yet.

The guy scoffs and rolls his eyes, and David takes it as his cue to start removing them from the area before Patrick manages to actually catch someone with his windmill limbs or start a more serious conflict.

“Come on,” he says, catching Patrick around the waist from behind while he is in the middle of a spin. He starts walking them in the direction of the bar, his hands firm on Patrick’s hips even as he continues to wiggle in what David assumes is his drunk attempt to continue dancing, though at this point it’s anyone’s guess.

“I didn’t even get to show you my moves, David,” Patrick mumbles, but he lets himself be led, and even pushes back into the touch.

“I think I saw plenty of your moves for one night, honey.”

“Were you impressed, David?”

“Mhm, very--”

“Because I always want to impress you. You’re so good at it and I want to show you I can do it too.”

Patrick is slapping his lips together happily as he orders another drink. David lets him, though he begins doing mental maths in his head about what number that is.

“Show me you can do what?” he asks, when he realises Patrick is staring at him.

“Dance, David. You’re so sexy when you dance, with your hips, and your shoulders, and your mouth.”

Patrick careens forward, his eyes locked on David’s lips, and David catches him before he can make impact. “Mm-mm, I’m designated driver, remember? If you kiss me then I won’t be able to drive you home.”

“Pff, that’s not true,” Patrick disagrees, though he is frowning with concern.

“It is, no kisses, you’ve had too much to drink.”

Patrick seems put off for a moment but snaps out of it quickly, turning back to the bar to down his new drink. David smiles and turns to look around for Stevie. It’s his lack of attention that makes him jump when Patrick is suddenly wrapping his arms around him from behind.

“There are a lot of things we can do without kissing, David,” he murmurs into his ear.


	5. Thirsty Patrick

“Oh, wow,” David says, unable to stop himself from laughing as Patrick almost tries to mount his back from behind, his arms tight around David’s chest like an incredibly heavy koala. “That was a quick switch.”

“Mm, talk to me more about how we switch, David.”

“Patrick--”

“Do you think people know?” he whispers loudly, directly into David’s ear who continues to try and wriggle out and get Patrick sat down somewhere.

“Do people know what, honey?”

“That I like to _take it,_ David. When you give it.”

“I--”

“You give it so good, you’re always so good.”

“Mm, let’s table this conversation for a later date,” David says as he finally gets Patrick in front of him and walks him slowly to one of the low booths in the dark side of the bar.

He is about to slip them down into one of the seats when he sees that it is already occupied by a couple, and quickly veers them to the next one, though not before offering Stevie and her mystery woman a shocked but impressed facial expression. “We’ll be talking about this later,” he shouts as they leave.

“No, we won’t,” is the response, but David’s focus is long gone.

“Wass’at Stevie?” Patrick mumbles as he finally slumps down in the leather booth, pulling David down immediately next to him and drawing close again.

David lets his body get rearranged and ends up with one arm slung over Patrick’s shoulder while Patrick kicks his legs up over David’s knees. David places a hand on Patrick’s knee to keep him steady, and they lace their fingers together closely.

Before he can spend too long enjoying the close proximity with his boyfriend, Patrick is already off on another tangent.

“Hi,” Patrick murmurs in a low voice, leaning into kiss David’s ear with his sloppy mouth.

“Hi, stop that,” David replies, squirming away from the sensation and laughing slightly when Patrick’s face falls to his shoulder instead and he simply continues his ministrations there.

“David, I want you.”

“Not in public you don’t,” David responds, jumping when Patrick’s hand finds its way to the front of his jeans.

“Everywhere, I always want you. I hate that rule at the store, I wanna make out with you at the store, and in the car, and on our lunch breaks in the café.”

“I think that would be frowned upon--”

“And I want to do more than that! Ray is always at home and your parents and the motel and I want privacy, David. I wan-a take you apart with my tongue and put you all back together again.”

“Oh my _God,”_ David can’t stop himself from laughing and he covers his face with his hands even as Patrick continues to tug at him, trying incessantly to get his attention.

“David,” Patrick whines again and reaches up to kiss him. “David, kiss me, I’m gay, and I want kisses.”

“Is that a special privilege of you being gay, or--?”

“No, you can have kisses too but you gotta---” Patrick tries again but David turns his head several times to stop him from catching his lips, already predicting the stale taste of his mouth being spectacularly unpleasant. “David!”

“No, no more kissing.”

Patrick huffs and turns away from David, crossing his arms and slumping back against the booth.


	6. Attentive Patrick

David sighs as he looks at Patrick’s back, and reaches over to tug on his shoulder, hoping this grudge won’t last for too long. “Hey, come on, come with me, I want another soda, but I don’t wanna leave you on your own again.”

All in the blink of an eye, Patrick turns from slumping away in a huff, to hanging off David’s arm. “Okay, David, I don’t want to leave you alone either.”

“Don’t start this again,” David murmurs as he feels his boyfriend beginning to press wet kisses up the line of his neck even as they walk across the small distance towards the bar. “Or I’ll have to take you home already.”

“You don’t want to go home though, do you, David?”

“It’s not about what I want, it’s about what is-- ah! Publicly decent,” he forces out once they’ve reached the bar, and as Patrick fondly bites and then licks the sensitive skin beneath his ear.

“It’s always about what you want. You know what you should have?”

“What?”

“Something to eat, because you haven’t eaten yet and you need to eat.”

David shakes his head as best he can with his boyfriend clinging to his shoulder in the way he is. “I’m alright--”

“Something to eat, please!” Patrick exclaims to the bartender, “Ooh, and another of those lemony drinks.”

The bartender looks to David who nods in allowance and then turns to make the drink. That, a soda, and a bowl of snacks are placed on the bar, and David quickly pays with a generous cash tip.

He turns back to his boyfriend where, before David can intervene, Patrick has stuck his fists into the bowl of pretzels and is breaking them up into pieces. “Eat, David,” he says, picking up one of the tiny bits and holding it up against his lips.

David hesitates a moment before opening his mouth just slightly and allowing Patrick to feed him the snack. He chews slowly as Patrick watches intently, his free left hand rising up to pet at the back of David’s head in thanks.

“You’re like-- You know what you’re like, David? You’re like a baby bird.”

“Okay, I don’t know exactly how to take that--”

“Like my little baby bird. And I get to feed you and love you and hold you and you’re pretty, and you can fly, and you have feathers.”

David accepts another piece of pretzel and bites down a grin as Patrick pets the back of his head again. “Only some of that was vaguely accurate.”

“And I would be a prince, or-- No! A King!”

“Why do you get to be royalty?” David sputters out through another mouthful of food.

“And then I would keep you, and I would be the benelephant ruler, and I would have you by my side,” Patrick continues to croon, his eyes going misty and far away as he speaks.

“As a bird--?” David asks.

“Eat more please,” Patrick replies, ignoring him and lifting another piece of pretzel up. David rolls his eyes but doesn’t resist and this time leans forward just slightly, licking the salt off of Patrick’s finger-tips as he feeds him.

Patrick’s eyes track the movement and David swears he sees his pupils dilate at the track of his tongue.

“So, you _do_ want to--”

“No,” David interrupts, quick to tamper down any ideas. “Not tonight.”

“Okay, David,” Patrick replies, not seeming phased by this at all. He leans over and slings his arms around David’s shoulders, kissing his cheek firmly with a loud pecking sound. “Whatever you want.”


	7. Sad Patrick

“Whatever I want, huh?”

Patrick hums and pouts, looking at the crumbs of the pretzels in the bowl. Suddenly, his bottom lip is shuddering, and David can see his eyes welling up with tears.

“Patrick, what--”

“I broke them,” he says, a rogue tear dropping from his eye.

“What, what did you break?” David asks, trying to keep up with the conversation change.

“The, the food, it’s all broken up. I keep breaking things, why do I keep breaking things?”

Patrick is full on crying now, and David balks. He stands from his stool and crowds in next to Patrick, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and petting them anxiously.

“Ooh, no, it’s okay, we can get more pretzels.”

“I’m a _monster,”_

“I think that’s a tad dramatic, I don’t think you need to repent over a couple of broken pretzels.”

“Oh, God, and I’m drunk,” Patrick continues. “I’m drunk, and you’re not drunk, and I knew this was a bad idea, because now you have to look after me, and I’ve ruined everything.”

David covers Patrick’s head with his hands and pulls him closer to his chest. Patrick doesn’t return the hug but does let his head fall to David’s torso and gives in to the affection.

“What did you ruin, Patrick?”

“I ruined your night, and I ruined my relationship with Ronnie.”

“I don’t really think there was much to ruin there, huh?” David says, hoping the gentle teasing won’t skyrocket Patrick’s bad mood. “In fact, I think she rather enjoyed seeing you a little bit out of control.”

“You think I’m out of control?” Patrick asks, looking up at David with watery brown eyes.

“No, that’s not what I meant, I--”

“Oh God, and now I’ve made you sad!” Patrick exclaims, seeing David’s frown and reaching up as if to smooth it over but only ending up poking at his eyebrows fruitlessly. “I’ve made you sad!”

“You haven’t made me sad; you make me happy!”

“Not right now! Look at you, you look all moose!”

“I don’t know whether to be offended by that…” David murmurs, but he smirks as Patrick continues to pet over his forehead and down to his cheeks.

“Mor-oose.”

“I’m not morose,” David says with a small flicker of a smile. “Look at me, how could I be sad when I’m here with you?”

Patrick takes a long, snotty sounding sniff, and David immediately reaches for a napkin for him to blow his nose.

“See, I’m so happy, Patrick, okay?”

“Okay,” Patrick responds in a small voice, though he still looks put out.

“I think it might be time to go home, huh?” David suggests as Patrick rubs harshly at his face with the napkin. He grabs it and pulls it away before he can do any lasting damage to his skin and catches Patrick by the face. “Are you ready to go home?”

“Yeah,” he replies, letting David help him out of his seat and into a standing position. David smiles and kisses him quickly, only for Patrick to jerk away and gasp in horror. “David!”

“What?”

“You can’t kiss me otherwise you can’t drive!”


	8. Hungry Patrick

They finally get home, after much convincing from David that he is safe to drive, and soon enough they are walking up the steps to Ray’s front door.

“I’m so _hungry,_ David, are you hungry? Cus I’m hungry. I want watermelon.”

David lets himself laugh just lightly at this as he carefully puts the keys in the bowl by the front door and leads Patrick in the direction of Ray’s kitchen.

“Watermelon?”

“Mhm,” Patrick nods with his full body, and David has to catch him around the shoulders before he keels over with the enthusiasm of the gesture. “I want watermelon, and I want grapefruit, and I want a key lime pie.”

“I can give you a bowl of fruit loops, take it or leave it,” David says simply as he leans his boyfriend against the kitchen counter and pauses to check he’s got his balance.

“You’re always so good to me, David,” Patrick says through a sniffle.

“Oh no, please don’t cry again.”

“You’re so, so _good.”_

“I’ll take that as a yes to the cereal,” David mutters to himself as he gets a bowl out of the top cupboard. He smiles to himself as he hears Patrick sighing behind him, dramatically as if to prove a point. “What is this?” he finally asks when Patrick makes it clear he won’t be stopping.

“Why don’t you live here, David?” he says, trying to step forward but stumbling slightly. David catches him by the upper arms and holds him steady. “You could live here with me and we could have breakfast together, and we could--”

He seems to lose his train of thought for a moment as he stares at David’s face, one hand raised to stroke his cheekbones lightly.

“This is Ray’s house,” David says softly, letting him continue.

“Could be yours too. And mine, and Ray’s. Maybe Stevie could come too.”

David snorts and shakes his head. “Where exactly would Stevie sleep?”

“On a bed, David, come on,” Patrick says, rolling his eyes as if David is the one making no sense. “God, I would love to live with you. We’ll do that one day won’t we? I think that would be fun, then I would never have to be without you.”

“You’d get sick of that eventually.”

“No, no, David! I love you!”

Patrick’s voice raises into an almost shout and David shushes him desperately, but the damage is already done as just a few seconds later, the padding of feet from upstairs can be heard and Ray sticks his head around the door.

“Patrick?” he asks, clearly coming from bed in a pair of white and blue striped pyjamas and bare feet. “Are you okay?”

“Hi Ray, I’m sorry, he’s had a bit too much to drink,” David excuses with a wince.

“Oh, that’s okay, I just wanted to check he was--”

“Ray!” Patrick crows with excitement, pulling away from David to go and clap Ray on the back. “It’s Ray, and David!”

David catches Ray trying to supress a smile as he holds up his roommate under the arms.

“God, this is like, two worlds collide!” Patrick continues, “Ray, and David! My two men!”

“Um--” David tries to interrupt but Patrick is already rambling on again.

“I’m just so glad I know both of you,” he sniffs, getting teary all over again. “I missed you so much.”

“You missed us...?”

“When I didn’t know you, I missed you so much,” Patrick goes in for a hug and Ray lets him, pulling an amused face at David over his shoulder as he does so.

David lets it happen while he gets another glass of water and sets it on the counter. He heads over to the pair by the door and carefully extracts Patrick from Ray’s arms, who let’s go easily with a smile.

“I’ll let you two get on, plenty of water for this one,” Ray says as he tries to make his escape.

“You might wanna find your earphones,” Patrick says just before he can leave. Ray turns around while David swears under his breath. “Because this one,” Patrick walks his hands up to David’s shoulders, “is _not_ quiet.”

“Oh my _God,”_ David mutters, his cheeks burning with embarrassment. “That is quite enough out of you, I’m so sorry, Ray.”

“Goodnight, David,” is the only reply he gets, but Ray’s eyes are still twinkling with barely suppressed amusement even as he exits the room and heads up the stairs.

“Okay you,” David says pointedly, turning to his boyfriend and passing him the glass of water. “Drink this-- slowly, please, I am not in the mood to clean up your vomit.”

“You would though wouldn’t you,” Patrick mumbles between tiny sips of water.

“Would what, honey?” David asks, rubbing his back absentmindedly as he watches over.

“Clean up my vomit.”

“I--”

“I would clean up your vomit, and you would clean up my vomit. Because you love me, and I love you and you even love me when I’m vomiting.”

David shakes his head silently but doesn’t disagree, reaching over with one finger to tip the glass further and encourage Patrick to drink more. He does so, making childish slurping noises as he does so and looking up through his eyelashes to see if he’s impressed David.

David doesn’t bother to hide the grin which makes Patrick smile in return, water dribbling out the corners of his mouth as he does so.

Once the water is gone, David fills the glass again and turns around to find his boyfriend gone. His gaze follows down from where he had been stood to find Patrick curled up on the floor drifting off with his head resting against the counters.

“Give me strength,” David mutters as he reaches down to haul Patrick back up and onto his feet.

“Hey,” Patrick says drowsily. “You’re pretty strong.”

“Not that strong though, so you’re gonna have to work with me on this,” David says with a groan as they start the slow journey towards the stairs.

“Hey, David?”

“Yeah,” David replies as they reach the bottom step.

“I’m very hungry.”


	9. Sleepy Patrick

David somehow manages to get the two of them up the stairs without causing any major or life-threatening injuries. He hobbles them into the bedroom, Patrick’s body becoming heavier and laxer with every step, and finally throws him down onto the bed.

In the few moments that David has his back turned to dig through the drawers and pull out a pair of pyjamas, Patrick has flopped down and passed unconscious on top of the bed sheets.

David huffs and begins pulling at Patrick’s shoes, and then his jeans, peeling the tight fabric from his thighs and chucking them across the room. He leaves him in his t-shirt and calls it a day while he completes his own night-time routine.

When he returns from the bathroom, David finds Patrick still sprawled out across the bed, his mouth wide open and long, rumbling snores coming from his chest.

It’s a close call for him to not film his boyfriend at his most vulnerable, but he eventually stops considering it, and moves to the side of the bed. He pushes at Patrick lightly on the arm and gets nothing but a snorting snore in response.

“Patrick,” he whines, poking again. “You’re on my side.”

Patrick snorts again and snuggles further into the pillow.

“Patrick,” David hisses again. A growl grows low in his throat and he bares his teeth. “You’re lucky I love you,” he grumbles as he rounds the bed to the side with the window and climbs in next to his boyfriend. It takes a little bit more creativity to get Patrick under the covers next to him but finally they are both tucked in safe and sound.

David startles when, on moving towards Patrick, he receives a light shove from the still snoring man. He blinks his eyes open to see Patrick snuggling closer to his- David’s pillow, and clutching it with a tight grip.

“David--” he mumbles in his sleep, and then makes a disgruntled noise. “I want, David.”

“I’m right here, honey,” David replies, distractedly trying to tug at his special orthopaedic pillow which Patrick has claimed as his own.

“Noo, I want David,” Patrick whines, lashing out and tugging the pillow to the other side of the bed, only to curl around it protectively.

David lets out a pathetic little whine of his own and gives up, shuffling back to put his head on Patrick’s pillow. It’s actually quite nice, he must admit, to be surrounded by Patrick’s scent. It’s even nicer when Patrick shifts around in his sleep and moves closer to David, dropping his pillow off the side of the bed accidentally in the process.

David seizes his chance and climbs slowly out of the bed, rounding it to reclaim the pillow and moving it back to Patrick’s side.

“I love you, David,” Patrick says, David assumes in his sleep as he makes himself comfortable on David’s chest.

He’s asleep again before David can respond, who takes the opportunity to tuck himself closer to his slumbering boyfriend and finally falls asleep to the sound of their joint, slowing breaths.


	10. Hungover Patrick

“Oh God, oh _God,”_ the groans from the other side of the bed start early, waking David from his sleep. He moves an arm as if to turn off an alarm but only manages to slap a very grumpy Patrick in the side of the head.

“Oh,” David mumbles, opening his eyes and looking over apologetically at his pouting boyfriend. “Sorry, you’re on that side.”

“Why am I on this side, David?” Patrick asks, pulling one of the pillows away from David and tucking it under his neck, before settling back down.

“Don’t ask me! I didn’t _want_ you to take my side, you just did. And you kept asking for David and stole my pillow, so, I’m never being designated driver ever again.”

Patrick snorts lightly and then winces as the movement reverberates through his head.

“Was I really that bad?” he asks softly, his voice croaking with the strain as he does so.

“Not really, you tried to start a fight with Ronnie, though, so you might want to talk to her at some point otherwise she’ll decimate you at your next baseball game.”

Patrick blushes, “Um, yeah, I remember that bit,” he replies. “And I’d like to see her try. I wouldn’t put it above her to use dirty tactics like she did with that pool game.”

David’s face morphs into a smile, “It’s nice to know you were in full control of your facilities at that point.”

“I wouldn’t say _full_ control--”

“Oh, sure, I’m just trying to work out at what point in the night you _truly_ lost control.”

Patrick makes a groaning noise and digs his head into the sheets, but David persists, wriggling closer under the covers just to be closer to him.

“Like, do you remember almost knocking a guy out with your dancing and then telling him that you were ‘sorry you were just a better dancer than he was’, or was it not until you were trying to get into my pants in the middle of the bar that you really lost control?”

“David,” Patrick pleads, and he finally relents, pressing a kiss to his forehead and then pulling away. Patrick reaches for him with grabby hands for a moment, but David holds his ground.

“Do you need some pills?”

“Yes please,” is the muffled response from underneath the duvet.

“Anything to eat?”

A whine that David takes as a negative comes from the pile.

“I’ll be right back, your highness,” David replies, bowing dramatically at the bed and earning a petulant groan from Patrick, who somehow, with his limited strength, manages to throw David’s pillow across the room, hitting the door with a thud just as David steps out.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought in the comments!


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